Monday, December 25, 2006

Holiday Roundup

Another holiday season has come and gone and, remarkably, I’m still standing.

Megan and I started the holidays out with a trip to Chicago to take in the sights and get away for a weekend together. We decided to take the “Megabus,” a bus service that runs throughout the Midwest and offers round trip tickets for as little as $1 (our tickets were $16 each, round trip). Though our trips were admirably inexpensive, our rides were beset by annoying co-riders on the way down (woman with 7 rowdy children) and the way back (the singing gospel sisters). This was the second time I dragged Megan on a protracted bus ride, the first being our trip to New York, and I imagine this will be the last (she was sick on the way up and down and six hours of screaming ladies in your ear is enough to drive anyone crazy). Chicago, however, was brilliant; the city was very nicely decorated and we had a terrific time touring the art museum, strolling through Millennium Park, and indulging in Chicago’s culinary delights, most notably deep dish pizza. The only downer of the trip was that we were unable to meet up with my friend Bill due to cell phone communication problems; hopefully things work out better next time. (photos from the Chicago trip)

After our trip, Megs and I mostly worked and tried to finish our Christmas shopping. I’ve been working fairly long hours at the office and have been putting significant hours into Phil and my pet project, Dancekast, so shopping and decorating time has been hard to come by. On Saturday, Megs packed up and headed for De Forest, Wisconsin, which left me to finish up any miscellaneous tasks around the house before heading out to Brooklyn Park to join my family.

This year’s family Christmas festivities were another page from our usual celebration recipe: Christmas Eve at my mom’s side, Christmas Day in Canon Falls with my father’s side. Overall, things went very well on both visits, meaning I was able to get some quality jokes in on both occasions and avoided spilling wine on any furniture or party attendees (unlike Thanksgiving – sorry John!). My highlight gift of the season on the giving side were tickets to Chicago at the Ordway for my folks; I think they’ll really enjoy them and it was nice to thank them for all the support and help they’ve given me over the past year. My highlight on the receiving side was a new GPS unit from my parents, something I have been lusting after for a good while now.

Hope everybody had a safe and happy Christmas celebration this year and that Santa left you what you all wanted.

With much love and wishes for a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Franky J

Monday, November 20, 2006

Say What?

While watching Sportscenter just now...

(one of the announcers talking about Tom Brady torching the Green Bay Packers this weekend)

"How accurate is he when he is more accurate than normal accurate!"

Sportscenter announcers ladies and gentlemen!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My Sick Addiction

The Gophers drive me crazy.

I should confess on the front end that, against all rhyme or reason, the Gophers are the one team I follow obsessively. I read the message boards. I follow the recruiting news. I hum the Rouser at least 87 times a day at work. I talk about them constantly with my friends and family (probably to the point of annoyance). I’ll even read Sid Hartman’s columns in the hopes of garnering some previously unknown Gopher tidbit.

It’s sick, I know.

Most people in this town follow the Vikings; “Purple Pride” as the saying goes. Not me. Maybe it’s because I’m a U of M alum, maybe its our family tradition of interest in and support for the U, maybe it’s the colors. Whatever it is, my sporting consciousness is completely enchanted by the Maroon & Gold.

But this season…*shudder*.

I think this season can be best summed up by an exchange I had with my dad during the Maroon & Gold’s game against NDSU (yes, mighty division II North Dakota States). The Gophs were trailing at the end of the first half when I got a phone call from Dad. “Hello?” I said, unprepared for the storm about the be unleashed by Dad, “Why the hell isn’t Mason playing Justin Valentine?!?!” he sputtered, “the kid was a 4 star recruit of Ohio and is a beast of a blocker running out of an I. I don’t even see him on the sideline. I guaranty if Mason puts him in we smash right down the field and score, there’s no way their linebackers can stop him. Do you think the Mafia whacked him and he’s in the Mississippi right now? Should I call the boats? Is he auditioning for Dancing With the Stars? What the hell is happening here?!?!?”

The third quarter rolled around with neither team scoring, again the call. “Hello?” “I just don’t understand it, why aren’t we running I formation? You’re telling me that running behind Valentine, Pinnix doesn’t hang 300 yards on these guys? I don’t think I can watch much more of this. Mason makes me hate knowing anything about football.”

In the fourth quarter, Mason finally puts in Justin Valentine, our talented fullback, and the Golden Gophers march right down the field and score. Within five minutes, I get the call. “Hello?” I said, which was answered with a simple, yet poetic: “I hate Glen Mason.”

That about sums it up.

The Gophers, I have come to realize, are the ultimate tease. They show glimpses of brilliance that inspire the hope that maybe, just maybe, this is the year the program will finally turn around, but inevitably follow it up by reaching down their fan’s throats and ripping their collective guts out one painful inch at time. Sometimes it’s just too much for me to bear and I’ll swear the rodents off for good, only to stagger back to them like a hopeless heroine addict, covered in needle marks labeled Michigan 2003, Wisconsin 2005, Purdue 2001, Michigan 2004…

I just don’t understand Glen Mason this year; he has completely mismanaged this team. First, he has a quarterback who is a fairly accurate passer but who gets frustrated and begins making mistakes once he gets dinged once or twice. Second, he has a big, but not overly mobile, offensive line that is mostly comprised of first year starters. Third, he has one of the best receiving corps in the Big Ten including Matt “Mr. Tough Guy” Spaeth, Logan “I OWN AJ Hawk” Payne (by far my favorite player on the team), Erick “Why throw it to me? I only catch everything” Decker, and Ernie “I’d drop the ball even if you hit me in the face with it” Wheelwright. Fourth, Mason has strong, though not overly quick/shifty running backs in Jay Thomas, Amir Pinnix, Justin Valentine, and (don’t even get me started on this one) Alex Daniels. What do you do offensively with this scenario?

Obviously you do two things. First, run Cupito (the QB) out of a shotgun. We all know he turns into a bigger nut-job than Dudley the Pearson’s Nut Roll spokesman once he gets hit once or twice, so you have to give him the most time possible make his throws. Second, run the ball straight ahead out the I-formation since it will allow the offensive line to use their natural strength (size) and utilize one of the most potent weapons on the team, Justin Valentine and his nasty blocking.

But what does Mason do? He has Cupito snap the ball under center and runs the same zone-blocking scheme with the offensive line that he has been running for the past 4 years with a completely different team! Of course he does! This has led to Cupito being sacked a career high 15 times this season (up from 3 last year) and the team’s lowest rushing yards total since 1998. Thank you Glen Mason!

Ugh, I need to stop thinking about this for tonight…

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Return of the Domination

A quick little FYI to all you sucka mcs playin flag football at the U this year: finally, Franklin has come back to Bierman field!

3 picks, 1 for a TD in our opening week stomping.

You've all been warned...

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

VOM Day

Let us always remember this joyous day. Let us always recall how we were delivered from evil, tyranny, and oppression. Let us forget the terrible shrieks we once cried, the terrible shouts we uttered, and the terrible, all-consuming fear we felt. Let us light candles, chant psalms, and whack piñatas to honor and distinguish this day, the 14th of September, VOM Day (Victory Over Mouse Day).

VOM Day
Originally uploaded by *Dancin*Jim*Slade*.


Ding-dong, the mouse is gone!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A day to Remember

Today was a day like no other.

In the annals of human history, this day shall always be remembered as a singularly spectacular day, a day when human kind cried to the heavens “we may not know who or what we are or why we are here, but damnit, we’re here and lovin’ it!” A day that will be remembered and revered in the years to come, and spoken of as a legend in the ages that will follow those years.

Today was the day Justin brought the sexy back.

We don’t know who or what took it and where they’ve been keeping it all this time, such details are irrelevant in the face of an occasion such as this. The only thing that matters is that, at long last, the sexy is back and humanity can once again rejoice and be merry.

In celebration of this momentous occasion, I encourage everyone to think about what they would bring back. I for one have decided to bring Zubaz back:

I’m bringin’ zubaz back
*yeah*
You can wear them at the gym or at the track
*yeah*
They come in lots of colors including black
*yeah*
They stretch so you can wear them if you’re fat
*yeah*
…get yourself some zubaz!

Opportunities to reach into the past and resurrect a long-lost lifestyle, hobby, or love are rare and should be seized when presented. Justin has opened the flood gates, now it is up to us to discover what is missing in our lives, and like Justin, bring it back.

So I ask you, what are you bringing back?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Yes, these are the things that run through my head...

A marketing idea for Quiznos:

We’re bringin’ toasty back
*yeah*
You’ll like it better toasty, that’s a fact
*yeah*
We got the flavor that the others lack
*yeah*
So come into our place and have a snack
*yeah*
…take it to the Quiznos!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Pranked

I meant to link this a few months ago for everyone to see, but this is the tale of the best prank that has ever been pulled on me. Hands down. Bar none. No contest.

It's also a great compliment from one of my best friends. Thanks Ta.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I'm Back!!!

Woot!

After a very long hiatus, I'm back everybody! Sorry for utterly disappearing from the blogosphere as they like to call it, but life has been rather crazy for the past month or so. A brief recap:

1. I bought a house! - That's right, an actual real life, got windows-doors-and roof, cram all your crap in the attic, kick your feet up because hot damn it's mine HOUSE! It's a sweet little place in south Minneapolis just off the Hiawatha light-rail line where me, the Megatron, Kevster, and Hairy Tim reside. Suffice to say, there will be much house discussion on this blog from now on.

2. It's coming...! - Me and a few friends are getting set to unleash a revolution upon the dance world. :-D More details will definitely follow.

3. Traveling! - My dad and I's trip to Glacier National Park got cancelled this summer because of the house purchase, but I did manage to make it out to Washington D.C. to visit my Uncle Paul, Aunt Kathy, and cousins Theresa and John and to attend my friend Mark Wernly's wedding. That's right, I rocked it stag to a wedding on the east coast! Suffice to say it was a great trip, but I'm hoping to write a bit more about it in the coming weeks. The major trips for the fall are a possible journey up to Lake Superior's North Shore for some hiking and a few trips to the cabin for fishing.

4. Wedding's galore! - This certainly has been a hectic wedding season for me. Rory & April, Mark and Jenn, Chris & Jenny, and Monica & Bryan. *whew* That's quite a list. They were all a blast, though Rory & April's was by far the most intense for me since I was pulling Groomsman duty in it.

Obviously there's a lot more to talk about, but not on this come-back blog, this renaissance of my rhetorical repertoire. Nope those tales must be saved for another night.

Till then, I hope everybody is safe and well. Be sure to take a few moments to read my brother Andrew's blog that he is writing about his adventures in Norway, it's pretty amazing stuff.

Gnight!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Can I get a Witness!

So I was surfin the YouTube tonight, like any normal web adict, and I came accross a video that totally validates a post I made awhile ago. Seriously, it's eerie...

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Cutting the Pork Cannot Save our Bacon

These certainly are interesting days in the land of the free and the home of the brave. Fuel cost increases have thrown the country into a wallet-clutching seizure, basic health care continues to cost more for poorer service, and we are still mired in a war with little purpose and even less hope for success. Amidst all this, it seems everywhere I turn lately, unfortunately, the issue of “Pork-barrel Spending” is on the tip of everyone’s tongue. MPR had a program discussing pork spending on Tuesday during their “Midmorning” show, the Star Tribune ran an op-ed piece on Wednesday on the subject, and every citizen I seem to talk a bit of politics with wants to weigh in on the alleged “reckless spending” of our federal government.

On the surface, calling attention to and criticizing wasteful or excessive government spending is a no-brainer issue. Most everyone agrees that laughable projects such as the now infamous “bridge to nowhere” are unwise uses for tax dollars and would rather see the government exercise some restraint in its spending habits. Most agree that the United States is not in the best financial situation right now, with our trade deficit to China alone running anywhere from 13 to 20 billion (with a B) dollars per month. Most agree that it is about time we did something to fix this situation and long for competent leadership to place us back on the right path.

Politicians such as John McCain and Tom Coburn have recognized the public’s general agreement on these issues and made battling pork their primary mission in Washington, positioning themselves as the champions of fiscal responsibility and defenders of our bank accounts. They pose as crusaders against wasteful, irresponsible spenders, charging into battle against pork with an abandon that would make the great Achaean Achilles sing their praises to the gods and makes the public ooze with admiration. The sad reality is that these antics do little more than distract the public from our real financial issues.

Let’s go over this very simply: Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW), the self described “#1 taxpayer watchdog,” places the estimate for pork-barrel spending in 2006 at right around $29 billion. Not all of this is necessarily wasteful spending, since “pork” spending is actually defined as a line-item in an appropriations bill that designates tax dollars for a specific purpose in circumvention of established budgetary procedures, but it seems reasonable and fair to allocate that entire $29 billion as pure waste. $29 billion; pretty big number, right? Of course it is. The problem is what this is as a percentage of our federal budget.

In 2006 our federal budget, the total amount the US government is planning to spend, is scheduled to be $2.7 trillion dollars. This means that the $29 billion everyone is up in arms about, the $29 billion McCain and Coburn are making their careers on, only amounts to around 1.04% of the federal budget. 1.04%! Even if we could somehow eliminate all of this wasteful spending, magically lift it straight out of the bills congress is considering, it wouldn’t begin to solve the financial problems the United States is facing today.

The financial problems in the United States today are not caused by pork-spending. Sure, wasting $29 billion is bad and everyone agrees that we should do our best to cut and eliminate wasteful spending, but the fact remains that concentrating on 1% distracts us from fixing the bigger challenges we face such as taxation reform, healthcare reform, and the looming energy crisis. Only taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture can save our bacon, and it all starts with cutting our obsession with pork.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Sign of the Times

I finished up work today and headed out to the car. It had been a good week, but a tough week as well, and even the rain drops dotting my arm couldn’t wash away my anticipation for the newly arrived weekend. Ahh, “weekend;” the sweetest word in the working language. My foot punched the clutch of the Protégé and I set off to do battle with the gruesome specter of 394 during a Friday rush hour.

I made my way through downtown and northeast en route to Dinkytown where I was meeting my mom, dad, Andrew, and Kristen for dinner at Vescios. It never ceases to amaze me how a city can look both so desolate and so alive during a spring rain; like a living ying-yang symbol painted in greens, blues, blacks, and grays, smudged by the falling rain and twisted by my imagination. I turned down University and nimbly dodged around a city bus that had become sprawled across two lanes in its efforts to pick up some riders, pressing the accelerator downward in my sprint for spaghetti.

Dinner was enjoyable with the only disappointment being that Dad did not get enough meat in his “meat sauce.” We all agreed that this was a less than ideal situation (after all, isn’t the meat the most coveted part of any meat sauce? I mean, it’s in the freakin’ title!), but eventually decided to follow Chris Rock’s famous advice and let it slide.

Andrew and Kristen drove home with me in the Protégé where we were meeting our folks to surrender the Christmas tree we had borrowed back in December. On the way into the house from the driveway, Andrew turned and looked across the street into the neighbors yard and announced that there were ducks in their yard. “Really?” said Kristen and I. “Yes” replied Andrew, “two mallards it looks like.” “That’s so Brokeback” I responded as the garage door closed around our laughter echoing through the garage.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

A Grain of Salt

The garage door creaked open as my car door banged shut, sealing me in to what felt like my own plastic packaging, like I was an action figure waiting to be unwrapped by the gleeful fingers of my employer. “Oh well” I thought as I maneuvered around Pete’s parked maroon Camry, “at least I’m makin’ more dinero than GI Joe ever did” (though he admittedly did have far cooler things to play with at work than I do). I made my way down Lindig St. and turned down Larpenteur, making sure to avoid the retiree doing his crazy run/walk sashay down the sidewalk, and motored down the road.

As I drove, I tuned into 91.1 KNOW, better known to listeners around the state as Minnesota Public Radio, or MPR for short. I like listening to MPR in the morning, mostly because I don’t have time to thoroughly read the paper before I head out into the unknown, but also because they are the only medium that can spice up the news with sound effects, a key element to making the latest news on the stock market entertaining. I turned onto Highway 280 heading south, finding traffic surprisingly and pleasantly light this morning. My little yellow car sped along the pavement and the sounds of today’s weather report began to echo through the cabin, always one of the more critical portions of any news update. The announcer, Cathy Wurzer, began by proclaiming that the January we just finished was one of the warmest in modern history with temperatures in the Twin Cities averaging a balmy 28.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Ms. Wurzer went on to announce that scattered snow showers were expected in the north and over central Wisconsin, that the high today would be 31, and that it was mostly cloudy in the Twin Cities.

Huh?

I stared out my window into the big, bold, beautiful blue beyond that was today’s sky. There was not one cloud to be seen, not even a wisp. Not one single element of condensed water vapor in any direction for 200 miles or more. There were not any “clouds” of steam rising from downtown Minneapolis as there often can be during cold days. Not even the dark cloud of the Bush presidency could be detected on this gloriously sunny day, the kind of day that reminds me how much I love this planet and how good it can be to us.

How could this have happened? Did MPR just get a bad weather report and not bother to verify it with the information being transmitted through their optic nerves into their brains? Hard to believe considering some MPR employees, if not all of them, likely commuted in to work this morning and saw that it was definitively un-cloudy this morning. Was it so nice out that the good folks at 91.1 simply couldn’t believe it was reality? It would be hard to blame them considering some of the gloomy weeks we have had this winter; hard weeks of gloom and despair, weeks when the world has died and is yet waiting to be reborn. Or was it, as The Boss would have us believe, simply that the MPR employees had been “blinded by the light?”

(My own personal theory is that they knew it was a singularly beautiful day outside and further knew that if they raved about it too much, nobody would show up for work. Or if we did show up for work, we would spend all our time wishing we were outside instead of throwing our backs into America’s great economic struggle, so it was best to convince those with a low enough IQ (or limited enough access to sunlight) that it was in fact cloudy outside and we should continue with business as usual.)

I guess my point in writing this is that if MPR can make the mistake of announcing to the public that it is cloudy outside on a day when that is clearly not the case, what other kinds of mistakes does the media make? To get this one right, all the good folks at KNOW (such an ironic station ID after this event) had to do was look out the window, and most of the time, reporting accurate news is not that easy. It reminded me to take what I hear, read, and watch with a grain of salt, to be skeptical of what is said or announced and have the guts to think for myself. Because, after all, if MPR can fail to announce that, for reason’s unknown, the Earth has decided to remind us all of what a wonderful place this is and how good it can feel to be alive, anything is possible.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Top Five

Ouch, almost a month and a half since my last post…

Sorry everybody, I certainly don’t mean to leave you all hanging, but sadly (at least for my writing), life has been insanely busy over the past month. My duties at the dance studio have effectively doubled, work has been insane, and most importantly, I have gotten my hot little mitts on Civilization 4 (damn you Sid Meirs for taking all my free time!). Anyway, I’m back with a short post that I’ve been mulling over for sometime now, hope everybody enjoys!

The other night I was explaining to the kids down in Red Wing why I was a dancer, citing things such as its inherent athleticism and world class access to gorgeous, underdressed girls. But most of all, I was a dancer because of the music. I love music more than I can describe, and I can’t play an instrument or sing, which left dance as just about the only avenue left for me to explore my relationship with song. What always excites me about dance is the way a song can carry or drive you along, the way its energy can flow through your body, infusing your cells with the rhythm of the universe. It’s a magical feeling and the addictive quality that keeps me, quite inexplicably, coming back for more.

This begs the obvious question “What is/are your favorite song(s),” a complicated question I always have a tough time answering, since there are just so many good answers. However, I have decided I am up to the challenge, and in an ode to John Cusack’s character in High Fidelity, I have decided to compile my top five in a listing with an attempt at defending my selections. And without further adieu…

#1: “Gimme Some Lovin’” – Spencer Davis Group
Honestly, I have yet to meet somebody that doesn’t love this song. The singing of young Steve Winwood and the driving beat make the sound irresistible. But what really sells it for me is that the song isn’t about anything but having a great time and enjoying your life, and really, who can’t relate to that? The chorus, it seems to me, is the call of the human soul itself: “C’mon and gimme some lovin’!” Pretty much says it all

#2: “Running on Empty” – Jackson Browne
Browne is far and away my favorite singer/songwriter to listen to, mostly because his songs deal with unusual issues and have such a genuine feeling of insight about them. I’ve written about this song before in my column, but it’s a song I find myself coming back to time and again, partially because of the driving riffs and drums, but mostly because of Jackson’s lyrical skills.

#3: “Born to Run” – Bruce Springsteen
I’ve already written an entire post on this song explaining my identification with it, so check it out if you’d like it explained.

#4: “Sooner or Later” and “I Want You” – Bob Dylan
I always think of these songs together since they are found back to back on Dylan’s prolific album Blonde on Blonde, so I thought I would mention them together. The piano in “Sooner or Later” is great, and I love the statement it makes about relationships; that, eventually, everybody looks back and understands why people did what they did and how we’re all victims of the circumstances we find ourselves in. “I Want You” always sounds like the embodiment of what I think of love feeling like: silly, whimsical, and happy yet earnest and sincere at the same time. The song just feels right; a hard essence to capture as an artist, but a thing of beauty to the audience.

#5: “Oh Yoko!” – John Lennon
Sometimes I feel as if the rest of the world is sitting around waiting for me to come up with the energy to make it go, and many times, I wonder if I have enough energy within me to make it all work. This song always reminds me of everything everybody has given me or done for me during my life and helps me decide, yeah, I do have enough passion to keep going. I know, it’s egotistical as hell, but it’s the best way I can describe it. The song also reminds me of the Megs, which is always a bonus.

Honorable Mentions:
  • “Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes” – Paul Simon
    His song writing is unreal, and this is my favorite


  • “Learning to Fly” – Tom Petty
    A FAR better song than his cliché and overplayed “Free Fallin”


  • “I’m Alive” – Cut ‘N’ Move
    Cheese-pop techno at its finest!


  • “Jet Airliner” – Steve Miller
    Great riff, great lyrics, great song


Anyway, that’s a little summary of the top of my musical world. I would encourage any readers to comment their favorites, it would be great to read!

I’ll try and do better to keep Minnesotan on the Loose updated in the coming weeks. Happy 2006 everybody!